The Potting Shed Blog

by Jain Fairfax, Psy. D., LMFT

Blog #1

Self-Worth? What’s it worth to you?

 

“Blog”, what a weird sounding word.

 

According to Wikipedia it’s a short version of Web Log, an online diary. So that is what I will begin to share, but not as a “what have I done” sort of thing, but “what I know”.

 

After seeing families and individuals ages 4 to 80 years-old for almost thirty years, I have learned a few things about people that could be very helpful to you, someone who cares about children and how they feel about themselves.

Our parents really have a lot to do with how we turn out as adults.

 

What they told us about ourselves becomes a big part of:

 

How we see ourselves, and that has a lot to do with

• How well we do at school,
• How we pair up with a spouse,
• How we parent our own children,
• How we succeed or fail at business,
• How we face aging,
• How we pass on what we have been trained to believe, and
• What we leave behind when we are long gone. - For generations!

 

And, even if our families didn’t know how to parent us perfectly, we can rebuild our own self-image into something that will positively affect us and the people in our lives for the better.

 

High self-worth can only exist in an atmosphere of security. Of course, things will not always go perfectly. Situations change, jobs end, people we love move away, pets die. But when we make healthy choices about how we meet challenges and do what is best for us and those we love and care for, our feelings of self-respect and self-worth go up. Ask yourself these simple questions:

 

Does my family have a set of rules of behavior? (For example: “In our family, we don’t lie, steal, throw things, etc.”) and everyone knows what those rules are?

 

Am I safe in my home, work, or community?

 

Is it OK to have upset feelings without upsetting other people in the home?

 

Can I undertake new activities with comfort? Or do I get anxious?

 

Does my family share meals together?

 

Do I have an active social life?

 

Do my children invite other children over to play?

 

Can I accept praise?

 

If you said no to any of these questions, it may mean some new ideas along the lines of improving self-worth would be helpful.

 

So, today, just this once, do something to build your sense of security.

 

Do you need to make an appointment with a dentist or MD? Make up with Cousin Alice? Learn to say, “I’m sorry.” Get air in your tires? Pay that outstanding bill?  Ask for a raise? Schedule the meeting with the tax guy?  Get the fire extinguisher recharged? Put away stuff left on the stairs? Change your passwords?

 

Make a list of things you want to accomplish in the next month that will make you feel safer?

 

Then, let me know how you feel.

 

Jain

 

 

 

Blog #2 How you can begin to build Family Self-Worth.

Coming up next!